Fragile Dreams Read online

  She bit her lip, admitting to herself they would be lucky if the carefully preserved foods lasted, especially now, with one more mouth to feed.

  “I see.” Jed’s words hung heavy in the air.

  Caroline’s rational streak told her to be careful not to reject help that she might truly need. Yet, her independent nature resisted his attempt to pressure her into marriage. Perhaps, in time, she would come to love him. Right now, she was not desperate enough to marry a man she did not love. Softening, she lightly touched his hand.

  “I do appreciate your concern. I just need more time.”

  Jed took the opportunity to reclaim her hand. He stroked it gently and said, “Then you shall have the time that you need.”

  His tenderness reminded her of a gentler world, a world that had vanished like blue sky in a storm. Tears glistened on her lashes.

  Jed raised his lean fingers and carefully brushed them away. “I only want you to be happy and cared for.”

  She smiled. “And I want you to be happy, too, for we have always been friends.”

  He nodded. “I’ve got to get along. I’m riding out with my men to see if any of our folk have been burned out by Yankees.”

  Caroline shivered. “What would she do if the Yankees set her house ablaze? She would have no place to go. Then she would be forced to turn to Jed. Jed and his bullet-crippled father lived with a spinster aunt in a fine old house in town. Jed’s family had provided the lawmen for the county for as long as anyone could remember.

  Caroline rose to walk Jed to the door. “I heard the Yankees took the bridge. I hope they won’t come here.”

  Jed’s polished boots clicked across the entry.

  “My men and I will do whatever it takes to make sure they don’t push forward where they don’t belong.”

  The savage light that glowed in his eyes made her shiver. There could be no doubt how Jed felt about the cause, or about Yankees, well or wounded.

  Intense relief filled her as she closed the door behind him. Fatigue threatened to claim her as she laid her forehead against the cold smooth wood of the door facing. Gran and Andrew had gone to bed. She should go to bed also. Her quilts and coverlet would warm with the heat of her body and chase away the shivers that shook her limbs.

  Yet drawn by an unnamed need, she decided to see if Nate was sleeping comfortably. She was surprised to see him wide awake, his face turned expectantly toward her.

  “You’ve had company. A suitor, perhaps?”

  Caroline bit her lip. Each time she looked into his eyes, the trust she saw drained away more of the hatred she wanted to feel toward him, casting her helplessly adrift in their blue depths. Consequently, she found herself unwilling to admit to having a suitor.

  “He’s more like an old friend.”

  Nate cocked his brow. “Old?”

  “He’s the same age as my brother, James. We’ve known each other for years. He was wounded in the war, so he’s back working as the county sheriff.”

  Nate reached a hand toward her. “Please sit down. Keep me company, just for a little while.”

  Caroline hesitated. Her mind warned her not to pay him more attention than his wound demanded. Yet, his plea tugged at her heart. If she were alone in an enemy state, wouldn’t she long for the company of a kind stranger? She perched on the edge of a chair near the bed.

  “Can I get you anything?”

  He shook his head. “You’ve been more than hospitable. And you didn’t tell your visitor about me.”

  Caroline shook her head. “No.”

  “Why?”

  She licked her lips, and Nate’s heart lurched at the simple gesture. She reminded him of a delicate orchid blooming in the midst of battle.

  She took a deep breath. “Like I told you, Jed’s the sheriff. I was afraid he’d insist on taking you to the jail. I don’t think you’re well enough.”

  Nate blinked in surprise. “The jail? He doesn’t have that authority. Besides, this whole area will be under marshal law in a matter of days.”

  Caroline’s dark eyes widened. “We’ll be overrun by Yankee soldiers? What’s to happen to us?”

  She studied him with wary eyes, and he longed to assure her she’d never have to suffer another hardship or loss. Yet he could not. He knew this war would make changes in her world that no magician could restore. Could she accept them without hating those who caused them?

  “Nothing will happen. These are military men, not barbarians.”

  He smiled to reassure her. “They’ll be in your debt for taking in a wounded officer.”

  “I’m not sure my neighbors will be too forgiving of that.”

  His heart ached. He hated the idea of this gentle flower at the mercy of malicious, fiery tongues. He had a wild desire to whisk her far away to save her from what the neighbors might say or do. They could run away to the west where no one would care about their past.

  He pushed aside the preposterous notion. She would think he’d gone mad to suggest such a thing. She barely knew him. And he barely knew her.

  He studied the tilt of her chin and the ebony hair that offset the high cheekbones in her delicate face. Though he sensed she possessed a strong will, he found himself drawn to her gentleness.

  She’d seen her world torn to pieces and done her best to survive it without becoming callous. She’d taken him in and even hid his presence from the county lawman. She was indeed a woman he could respect. And admire.

  His thoughts were broken as she settled more comfortably in the chair. “As it seems you’ll be recovering here for awhile, perhaps you’ll tell me about your upbringing. I’ve never been to the north.”

  Nate let his mind drift to pictures of his childhood, to the cabin in West Virginia under the shadow of the Shenandoah Mountains. Their land was poor, and his parents had worked hard to feed nine children. Caroline listened while he recounted their struggles and their simple joys.

  “Dirt poor, but Daddy always said there wasn’t nothing we needed that the good Lord wouldn’t provide. We were hungry at times, but we never starved.”

  Caroline pressed her lips together and looked away from his face. “It sounds like God took pretty stingy care of your family. Perhaps now He’s turned his back on the south as well.”

  “He never turned His back on us. My family is alive and well except for one brother I lost in the war. You have a brother at war, don’t you?”

  She nodded, proceeding to tell him about her fear that James would not return.

  “You must be very close,” Nate observed.

  She smiled. “When we were little we fought like cats and dogs, but we’d never let anyone else say an unkind word about the other.”

  She paused. “I worry about my little brother, Andrew. It’s been hard for him, losing Pa and having James away at war.”

  “Yep. He’s likely hurting. Maybe I could help. I like kids. I helped raise half a dozen younger ones back home. Send him in to visit with me.”

  Caroline nodded.

  They exchanged a few more stories, and the clock struck midnight.

  “My, I had no idea it was so late. We’d both best get some sleep,” Caroline said. She picked up the lamp she’d deposited on the table beside his bed.

  “It was a pleasure talking to you,” Nate said softly, sorry she was leaving so soon.

  She looked down at him, and their eyes met in a soul bonding gaze. His pulse quickened, and for a moment he thought he saw that attraction mirrored in her face. But just as quickly, she looked away.

  “Goodnight, Nate.”

  She disappeared into the dim hallway like a vanishing spirit. Nate watched her go and murmured, “Sleep well, my angel.”

  He awoke in the night in a cold sweat, gripped by the madness of a nightmare. He reached for his pistol. He was in the woods again, heart pounding while he waited for the assailants to find him and finish him off. He had to find his pistol, yet it was not at his hip. He panicked until he awoke enough to realize he’d been dream
ing. He wondered if, every night, his mind would replay the horror of watching Nelson and Parker go down. He tried to remember any details that might help him identify the murderers. Yet nothing of use came to mind.

  Exhausted, he fell back asleep and did not wake again until the angle of pale winter sunlight spilling through the curtains told him it was well past eight o’clock. He couldn’t shake the feeling that someone had been watching him, waiting for him to open his eyes. He credited the feeling to his dream and concentrated on stretching his shoulder, testing the pain.

  He grimaced as he flexed his bicep, discouraged by the fact that it was going to take some time to regain the strength in his arm. But he would regain the strength. He’d need it to run cattle and build the house that lightened his heart when his thoughts grew heavy.

  Caroline appeared in the doorway, looking fresh in spite of the late hour he knew she’d retired.

  “I thought it best to let you sleep.”

  “With such kind nursing, I’ll become lazy and pretend to be injured long after I heal,” Nate teased.

  She smiled. “I’ll bring you in a tray if you’re hungry.”

  Nate nodded. His stomach was wide awake this morning.

  “I seem to be regaining my appetite. I’ll pay you back for your expenses on my account.”

  Caroline’s pale cheeks flushed. “We’re not destitute yet, Mr. Sikes. We still have a few staples left in the cellar.”

  “Of course, but you didn’t count on another mouth to feed. At least grant me the pride to pay my own way.”

  Caroline bit her lip. “I understand. I’m sorry I bit at you so.”

  As she slipped from the room, Nate determined that he’d do more than pay back what he used. He’d break his back to see that this woman had crops planted and provisions to last until harvest.

  As Caroline left, the older woman—Gran—arrived with a tray. “It looks like you’re feeling better this morning.”

  “Thanks to two gracious and kind ladies.”

  He inched himself into a sitting position, allowing Gran to set the tray across his lap.

  His eyes widened as he surveyed the breakfast. Delighted, he said, “If the other men knew about this, they’d all be gettin’ injured, so they could recover here, eating your cooking.”

  Gran beamed, obviously pleased at the compliment.

  Nate picked up his fork and bowed his head in prayer. When he looked up, he said to Gran, “The Lord has been good to me; I don’t think there are enough words to thank Him.”

  “I feel the same way,” she said.

  She motioned to his Bible on the nightstand. When I found that in your pocket, I thought you might be a believer.”

  He speared a bite of egg. “I was convicted when I was twelve years old. A preacher came to our county. My parents were believers but they hadn’t explained the gospel like Reverend Culpepper did. I made a decision that night and, though I carry my share of weakness, Jesus has helped grow my faith ever since.”

  Gran nodded. “I wish Caroline could learn to lean on the Lord. I want that more than anything I can think of. She committed her heart once, but she doesn’t seem to have much faith. And she’s been needing faith for what she’s carried on those little shoulders this year.”

  Nate took a sip of coffee. He recognized the taste of ground yams and knew this family was going without many comforts it had always taken for granted.

  “Miss Caroline’s a fine woman. I wouldn’t think the less of her for anything you might tell me,” he said.

  “She thinks highly of you, too, for a Yankee.”

  He laughed. “I’m complimented. You know, there are all kinds of Unionists, just like there are all kinds of Confederates.”

  “Of course, there are good and bad folks no matter where they live. I’m hoping Caroline will see that you’re proof of that.”

  Nate didn’t pause from the bit of biscuit he’d dipped in gravy.

  Gran smiled and said, “I’ll be back to get the tray and clean that wound in a while.”

  The salt pork, grits, and biscuits met his need to fill his stomach, yet when he was done, it couldn’t fill his aching desire for company. When he heard Caroline giving Andrew his morning chores, he realized how much he cherished the sound of her voice. He longed for her to come and sit with him. Yet, a woman struggling to run a house would be far too busy to spend the day with an invalid.

  He wished he could help her. He was used to working hard all his life, splitting timber and farming his Daddy’s rocky land. Lying in bed had been a luxury at his house, and Nate had never been sick enough to earn it. So now, having the women wait on him while he lay around was beginning to seem like more than he could stand.

  He slid the tray down his legs and edged them slowly off the bed. If he could just regain his strength, he could be of use here on the plantation before he rejoined the army.

  He took a deep breath, and fought a wave of dizziness as he perched precariously on the bed. Though his shoulder throbbed, he forced himself to stay upright.

  Just then, Gran came into the room to collect the tray. She clucked her tongue. “Why, Mr. Sikes. You’re in no shape to be getting out of bed. Where did you think you were going?”

  He squeezed his eyes tightly against the nauseating rotation of the room. Through the roaring in his ears, Gran’s voice sounded faint and far away. He eased back, allowing her to help him settle against the pillow. Gradually, his head began to clear.

  He glanced up to see her peering closely at his face. Her expression eased as he gave her a sheepish grin. “I thought some exercise might help me regain my strength.”

  “Exercise is a good thing, but not when you hurt yourself worse trying to do it. You lost a lot of blood, Mr. Sikes.”

  “More than I thought, I guess.” He sighed with frustration. “There must be something I can help with while I’m laid up in bed.”

  Gran looked at him thoughtfully. “I don’t mean to pry, but have you had schooling?”

  “Oh, yes. I was the first in my family to graduate. I liked learning.”

  Gran pursed her lips. “Well, there might be one thing you can help with. Caroline doesn’t have much time to help Andrew with his studies. Maybe Andrew could sit with you this afternoon, and you could help him.”

  “I’d be honored if I could ease Miss Caroline’s burden in any way.”

  Gran carried the tray to the door.

  “I’ll talk to her about it,” she called over her shoulder, and then turned sharply around and said, “You won’t be having any more expeditions off the bed in search of more exercise, will you?”

  Nate grinned again. “You have my word.”

  ****

  Gran cast a sideways glance at Caroline as they prepared lunch. “Mr. Sikes is feeling restless and wants to do something useful. I suggested he help Andrew with his schoolwork.”

  Caroline studied the glass bowl she was filling with yams and wondered if Gran noticed her changed attitude toward Nate. It was nice having him here. He was good company, and he did so want to help them. They could use someone’s help with the strange way Andrew had been behaving lately. He’d gone off again, somewhere in the fields. She suspected he’d be home when his stomach called him for lunch.

  Caroline nodded. “I think that might just be the thing, for both of them.”

  She was right about Andrew. He appeared at noon, his feet and hands covered with mud. Caroline scowled at his appearance as he paused at the well to wash in the icy water. “What have you been doing to get that dirty?”

  He paused, fixing her with his dark eyes. “I’ve been turning over the fields. James left me in charge. The corn and cotton will need planting soon, and I got to see it gets done.”

  Caroline’s heart softened at the image of her baby brother, trying to handle the old workhorse and plow by himself. Andrew had never had to work in the fields and would hardly know how it was done.

  “That’s very responsible of you. How is it going?”<
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  He sighed. “I don’t plow very straight and I’m kind of slow.”

  He looked so small and tired that Caroline blinked back tears.

  “Maybe James will come home soon to help you. Now you wash up and come in. Anyone who’s worked as hard as you have deserves a hot lunch.”

  As they ate, Caroline told Andrew, “Mr. Sikes says he’d be happy to help you with your lessons this afternoon.”

  Andrew set down his fork. His face paled.

  “I’m not going anywhere near a Yankee.”